Fears

We left the hospital in a jovial mood. Not only was I pregnant, I was ten weeks along! I was happy that I wanted to call everyone and tell them but I was held back by the advice the Doctor gave us. He asked we be patient until about twelve or thirteen weeks. By that time, the doctor would be sure of the health of the baby and would have the results of the test he took back.

At the house, I sat down on the couch while Fred ran around the house like an excited kid who was expecting something from his mother. He prepared some fresh juice, served me and cleaned the utensils after. I couldn’t help myself from smiling. Why didn’t he ever do this often?

“You are acting really good today?”

“Acting?” He asked.

“Yea, you don’t normally do this.”

“You need to rest. You are pregnant. I don’t want anything hurting you or the baby. ” 

“All will be okay baby. Don’t worry.” I assured him.

He kept silent for a while then shook his head.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“For the longest time since we got married, I have been having fears that maybe God won’t bless us with a kid. You know what we did. We were young, yes, but was that decision good?” He started. “I was scared. I am still scared the hell out. Will this pregnancy go well? Will I be a better father? Will the baby love us? I did not know what to say. I just looked at him. He was trying hard not to tear up as pain was written all over his face.

I held his shoulders trying to console him. Tears flowed down my cheeks as well.

“Fred, you shouldn’t be scared. You should be strong now. I need you more.” I said.

“Yea I know.”

“I was scared too. I was wondering if God punished us for the abortion as we have been trying but no luck yet. All I know is, God’s timing is the best. Let’s pray that this bundle of joy will bear fruit. I am so excited to be a mother.”

“And you will be a wonderful mother.” He said while rubbing my belly in a circular motion.

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